Rihanna

Has a voice that could strip paint from the Forth Rail Bridge.

I thought umbrella was kinda catchy, but after hearing it for the 2569 time it became like a life sentence. Each minute would last years, physics experts had to be called in to check this phenomena out.

Currently they have Rihanna working in the LHC as a replacement for one of the detectors. There had been concern about the LHC creating a black hole, however, all these worries were unfounded as the Black Hole would have been created by Rihanna's auto tuner going into meltdown.

I checked out the other tunes by her and my word, they really did go with the stronger material for the singles.

Jason Donovan Threatens Musical

Aye, the boy is after the cash on this and nothing else.

If he's going in the musical show direction with this one it's safe to assume Jason Donovan has been a Liar all his life.

Crunt!

Duffy - Rain On Your Parade

I can't stand Duffy now. I used to think she was OK.
But now it's just the same old shit again and again.
I supposed if I liked that kind of music it would be OK, however it's just the same old stuff flogged again.

She is 100 in my top 100 of fifty second new wave of old wave croon. 99 is alvin and the chipmunks. Wankers.

X Factor Finalists - Hero

I dislike this on a number of levels. But mostly as it's a terrible song.

I haven't heard it knowingly, even though I do watch the whole of Krypton Factor 2008.
I seem to enter a state of calm and drift off while my inner rage seems to be locked away temporarily. Simon Cowell lulls you into a false sense of security. imparting an almost Marks & Spencer feel to the whole thing, like we can expect real quality as everyone is improving. Everything is fine, have a mini quiche.

5 Mins towards the end and te trace is wearing off. Rage builds and I can feel the knot in my back twitch awake in the knowledge that everything on the screen is awful. A mockery of a sham, fallacy. It finishes and I have nowhere to vent my rage.

I am a sad man :(

Alesha Dixon - The Boy Does Nothing

As does this song. The first time you hear it reminds you of Mambo Number 5 etc :(.
I can here it being used as some music for You've been framed or perhaps for a channel four special about kids with ADD, featuring a montage video of kids on Ritalin.

People spent time on this number, so why does it sound so frickn dull.

Tom Jones sounds so much better out of the second new wave of old wave croon?

TOTP ITV Simon Cowell

If ITV bought it and Cowell made it it would be shit.

It was shit towards the end of it's life anyway cause of the way music was going and I got old.

I got old, therfore I lost touch with 'the kid's', I don't have a clue how kids get music these days.

Anyway Cowell just wants to fuck the corpse of TOTP like he always wanted to so he can say he did.

I don't think it'll happen, I hope it doesn't.

Jason Donovan Dreamboats & Petticoats

Jason Donovan said when he was working for PWL that he wasn't really into the style of songs he was doing at that time. Fair enough, we all do things we don't want to but have to.

So what's the reason for Dreamboats & Petticoats (apart from cash), does this song appeal to his previous core audience, the 3 g's, girls grannies and gays?

It bugs the shit out of me as it's such a lame song, it's as if heartbeat had been set to music.

Musical flatline.......................

Iglu & Hartly - In This City

This is proper pop music, catchy, sparkly with singing and rapping and features FM synthesis (i drooled when I first heard it).

They look like they just came out of American Apparel.

I tried some clothes on in there the other day. I looked like a cunt.
The clothes are good, great colours and style but unfortunately I look like a freaky bastard in them.
My arse looks about 50 times it's normal size in any of the trousers.

In fact I look like Andy Pipkin when I put any of those clothes on.

So anyway Iglu & Hartly, top shit.

Guru Josh Project - Infinity 2008

It was shit the first time round and is shit now.

It's number 3 at the moment, I hate you all.

Mong Tunes

Tino Cruz - She's like a star


This is the offender i was thinking of with the shitty pitched vocal sample saying 'like a star', ok so there is a at the mo for pitched vocals. This just sounds like some kind of mong child, or 'tard' if you be a yankee.

what the f is with that humongous piece of shite.

Black Red Blue Orange Music

Black Music!!!!

Black Music!!!!

Black Music!!!!

Pardon?

I said Black Music!!!! I listen to Black Music!!!!

What does this mean? Do i listen to white music? Perhaps gray?

I have never got the Black/White music thing.

It's an unholly load of shite defining msuic by skin colour. Is J Pop called Yellow music, is it fuck, so don't be so patronizing and stupid.

Oh but it's all about it's origin, again in 'black' music's case is it fuck.

Does that mean even if a person who is from Wales who has black skin, makes music (say a lovely Welsh Male choir), then it's of Black origin.

FFUUUUUCCCCKKKKKK OOOFFFFFFFFF.

Basscunter

Basshunter

15 years ago, maybe more, a genre came into being.
It didn't take itself too seriously, the msuic was new (ish) and made lots of people dance and have a good time.

As the years went on this genre continued but also declined a bit in popularity. There are strongholds throughout the county that always burn a flame for this. I believe they are just on the outskirts of London and in some small towns accross Wales Scotland and N Ireland.

So as is usual a resurgence happens and it gets in the charts, we can do the running man again, perhaps feed the chicken's?

No. No we fucking well can not.

I have seen these 'people' in these 'towns'. They chased me out of their town in their low rider saxo's, i tried to tell them I had no musical agenda and was only showing them the 'size of my box' out of respect.

Do not attempt to dance in Irony in front of enthusiasts of this type of music, they don't regard it as music, just some kind of aural piss that marks territory.

Fucking shity pitched vocals

Ahh fuck!!

Pitched Vocal chart hell.

Ironik - Stay with me

I'm too old for this song by a long shot and I don't have a vag or next to no taste in music.
This song is for fucking mongs, wish I'd written it. Then i'd hide.

There's another song about at the moment with a pitched vocal in it 'heartbroken' or something, it's fucking terrible. I imagine the people that buy these tunes probably have asbo's or at the very least a prosthetic head.

Pinky and Perky was funny, for the times. Sped up/pitched vocals can sound good in the right place. 'R&B' with added pitched vocals sounds awful, mind you i'm sure it's only 5 year old's and car modders that listen to this exriment. The same people that mcfly or sclub7 went for.

Neon Neon - Stainless Style

See this album, it's great.

It has proper songs, guitars and synths.

The people what play an sing know what they are doing.

It has song titles such as, Michael Douglas, great name for a tune and even better when you here it.
So i would say that it sounds futuristic and old, the songs are solid and have great catchy chorus'.

In fact a lot of this album is catchy, there are a few surprises too. Some of the tracks seem to be covered in a kind of grime and it really sounds good.

If you like a good tune with some choice words with a big mix up of contemporary styles this is the one.

This is my FAV album 2008.

Mystery Jets - Two Doors Down

I had no idea the Mystery Jets were so good.
This is absolute pop. The chorus has a synth or something acompanying the vocal playing the same notes, it sounds awsome. It has a great story, I am a sucker for this. This is like a kind of Kinks song.
I never turn the radio off when this is on, it goes up. It sounds the best in the car though on my ageing fm radio, really good.

Get it.

Alex Gaudino Ft Shena - Watch Out

I can't really remember what this goes like, but that doesn't matter as it sounds not unlike the one before.

I would do the same.

I guess that's the thing about music. I believe It was the Fresh Prince that said "if it ain't baroque", or was it Public Enemy.

Snap - Rhythm Is A Dancer

Back in the chatrs, no idea if it's a remix or what.
Didn't get it the first time, it just don't sit right for me.
The rap bit really wasn't so good,mind you it's pop.

It was kind of offensive.

Wow, didn't think I had that in me.

Pendulum - Propane Nightmares

Is that a mariachi bit at the beginning? I don't get it, i'm getting old and have to shave more often.

Apple Mac Daddy Make you...

Jump, go ahead and jump, erm...

Yeah well like I got a new job, it's ace. Best job i've had. I got a laptop, I got to choose which one. Wooohooo, never done that before. I picked a MacBook zarjazz or summit. So I took it out the box switched it on and started using it.

It was a bit odd. Where are all the apps I've got running, i can't see them in the start bar?? Start bar looks a bit funny... What's this, i can't full screen Firefox, awwww.

So it goes, but i do now realize only now, I am using the best computer I have ever used. I am also just skimming the surface as it's been 3 weeks. It still smells new, I dig that. The keyboard keys make just a soft click or very soft dull click and depress'(?) with satisfaction, you know you have just pressed a key. I am a sad man.

It looks like some modernist designed it, i could name names and say it looks like amazing buildings etc etc...

Geometrically this is the fucking shit. The distance between the screen and the edge of the case makes me feel better about myself. I don't get it, i don't get it, Why does this matter to me, why I ask you? It does though.

Software, buy a mac and here's everything you will need. It's true. Unless you need Photodoodle or ProTootles or some business thing. It's all there and it works. I am Steve Jobs bitch, :(.

So i'll stop now and enjoy zipping around from desktop to desktop etc and tooling around. Oh and the google app guys time off stuff is frkin great.

If you have the money, buy one, you could always chuck XPoodle or Vista on it too. I'm gonna try that but I do have other stuff to do first.

I could bang on and on, I love PC's too, I have both.

Much love to mac and pc.

Red Hot Chilli Peppers

Where to start with this bunch?

Back in the eighties there were these kids, they did music and stuff, they got an album together and it seemed to do quite well. Live gigs were popular often occasionaly sporadic and the various band members liked to take drugs. So it was all a big old mess of music and drugs.

All good stuff, so why are they still playing the same music? They aren't, that's right they aren't, they are playing the back catalogue of Wings and the Rolling Stones. MOR AOR sNORe... Zzzzz.

The audio equivalent of beige.

Edith Bowman

Can someone tell me the point of Edith Bowman?

Is Edith real, i think she's a robot the BBC built at the same time MTV built Davina McCrap.

Royworld - Dust

Shit name that. Give it a name, boat drinks!

Great songs, wish i'd seen them on the Library tour.

I know they sound similar to kean coldplay etc etc etc.

I don't think they do, i think they have a sound.

This is a good single and will probably be used in ad's and in trailers forever.

Lil' Wayne

Sounds like a bit of a cunt to me.

Never heard his music, but it would be nice if a wooden spoon was forced through his scrotum.

:)

The Kooks

The Cunts!

Up there with those cunts that sound like the cure and have jangley guitars.

"Everything I Wanted" - Danni Minogue 1997

I heard it on the radio and got it straight away, I can't stand Danni Minogue, but the sound on this song is so immense I had to have it.

I still stand by it, it's a really strong bit of song writing and the production is insanely good. There are also some interesting choices of instruments going on in the track.

Find this track and get it, it's a pop master class in my opinion.

Xenomania = Bad MotherFuckers

These guys rule the pop charts and have worked with so many top artists it's just not funny.

In my dreams I run a company like this too, where I get to work with loads of diffrent artists and have smash hits and still be a total bof.

I'd like that, what a job.

Nelly Ft Fergie

Fuck off will you.
Nelly just GTF will you. You can't sing or dance and you have a girls name.
Fergie, stop, stop and retire. You have more than enough money. You can sing and do good things, why do you keep churning the shite out?

Pigeon Detectives

Shite shite shite.
But they are getting better at what they do, but not much.

Duffy - Warwick Av

This is a standard, Duffy will be massive.
I don't really have any feelings for Duffy apart from wrong un's (she is rather nice).

It's like Dusty kinda.

Pendulum - Propane Nightmares

Does anyone listen to drum and bass any more?

This is fairly bland stuff, it's as if the Prodigy never happened.

It's kinda like what if Linkie Parkie did D'n'B.


ZZZZZZzzzzzzzz

Wiley - Wearing my rolex

This is great, not many sounds on this track. It doesn't need them, the lead line and bass line fill it right up and it sounds fkin amazing. Sounds like a Nord of some type.

Excellent stuff.

Rihanna - Take a Bow

This is an unholy piece of work.
The arrangement is a mess and the vocal is the most ill fitting i've heard in a while.

She can't really sing, or maybe it's just the production.

Ting Tings - Thats not my name

Yay, a number one thats not total shit.

It's a great song and so is the album.

Rolling Stone Magazine

I used to occasionaly look through Rolling Stone sometime in the early 90's. I never bought it as it was just stuffed full of ad's and the articles were far to long and involved for the subject matter that was covered (long winded pregnant articles about Billy Idol and the like).

It's pretty much like Vanity Fair as mags go, glossy, no content, massive agenda and pictures.

Speeking of pictures, did you notice that Hawain dude Jack Johnson looked a wee bitty pale/bleeched on a recent cover. I didn't recognise him.

Rolling Stone i beleive has a content percentage of 20, which means the rest of the magazine is ad's, perfume inserts and pictures of the editors pony tail (it's now preserved in a jar).

There has been a change in demographic for the core buyers of RS, mostly they are dead poeple from Miami, or, people who have volenteered to have their ears removed and donated to someone with a better use for them rather than listen to the same endless list of classic rock pish that will never die until they die. Even then we will have lawyers battleing to extend the copyright period so some dead old fat cunt's estate (lawyers) can keep making money.

I don't mush like this magazine, it's like Saturday Night Live, should have been left to pasture a long long time ago.

Portishead

Fucking yes!
Just get it, it's taken ages, I don't care, it sounds amazing..

Fern and Reggie

The latest faeces of the chart show.
Oh how the top 40 has been destroyed from within.
The Beeb tried to kill it with Wes, (where's he gone), then they kinda brought the old format back. But it wasn't long before Fern and Reggea took over with thier lack of personalty and ambition to appear on TV? erm
I like Fern Cotton, she is nice to look at. But for goodness sake what the f is she doing on radio.
She is worse then Davina Mccoll for just repeating the last thing someone has said, back to them (she must have been on some managment courses).
And Reggie, who cares about Reggie.
We no longer have DJ's, we have presenters. Reggie also presents shows about animal husbandry and has a nice sideline in smiling at grannies.
The Bastards!

Panic At The Disco - Nine In The Afternoon

I was sayng in an earlier post that some bands just sound the same from single to single.

The bastards are so guilty of that.

I just can't stand this music anyway, no matter how I wrap it up it just comes down to the fact I cannot stand EMO/Metal pish.

EMO = Emotional Hardcore

It's metal, just metal and it is the shittest metal of all.
S club EMO bastards.

My Chemical Romance....
Oh what a pile of toss, based on the production of White Parade or whatever it's called. It was comprised of about 110 individual tracks, up to as much as 16 for a guitar section. Then they pay a dab hand to mix it and make it all good and poppy. Then some bastard from the record company says, can you make it bigger/louder. It is made bigger and louder but only to the detriment of the song.

What song you say?

Indeed.

Big bag of shite.

Last Shadow Puppets - Age of the underpants

Sooooo

It's a western, and a pop song. Something diffrent for the fans of the Artic Monkeys.

Fuck off out and by a Lee Hazlewood LP.

This is novelty teppid flavored pish served in a cup and saucer.

Yay!

Ashlee Simpson

Cunt.

Gabriella Cilmi - Sweet About Me

This is my song of the year, i fkin love it.
Her voice is amazing and has so much depth.
The tune is classic pop and well made.
The lyrics are great and have an excellent flow and rythym.
It's light and dark at the same time.
The production is fabulous.

I love this song.

Nickelback - Rockstar

I've been thinking about this one for a while now.

Here's a few interpretations/thoughts about it.

Irony - It's ironic as Chad's been on cribs and all the other stuff he sings. So we have to assume it's a wee joke, ho ho Chad, I can dig it. An ironic song delivered in a non ironic ironic way.

Or

Chad is laughing and his manager is laughing and the record lable is laughing at me and you for lsitening and not getting it....

Or

It's just a shitty annoying song, that is blesssed with a hook so good it could take Jesus in.

Shame on you Chad, you had all the power and you cashed it in for a huge single.

I would have done the same, you lucky bastards.

Scouting For Girls - Heartbeat

Shitty digital piano's ahoy!

I think the words are alright and i like the feel of it, but i can't tell the diffrence between this and the last single.

It almost as bad as Linkin Park is for sounding the same as the last one they put out.

Good luck to Scouting for Girls, i heard them being interviewed on the radio and they sound like a cool bunch of dudes, why does the music suck though, WHY?

Will I Am Ft Cheryl Cole - Heartbreaker

This is number 8 in the charts as i write.

F u u u ck!

How does this cunt still make records and who buys them?

If i was 13 now, would I buy this, would I fuck.

Back when I was 13 i had friends that were into Bros (They were male friends!) Michael Jackson etc, so this proves the theory that kids will buy anything as long as it had heavy marketing.

I just do not get Will I am, his name alone is pretty unimagintive for someone as talented as he is suppossed to be. I bet he knows more about music in his wee pinky than I do in my whole bod. So it really does beg the question why? Why Will I am why?

I think it realtes to the question, why does a dog lick it's balls...

Usher Ft Young Jeezy - Love In This Club

I've actually heard this one. It bring's a whole new level to what shite can be.
So the lyrics are all about banging in a club....
Usher must've felt that Chuck Berry songs were to subtle and funny so he had a bash.

I've been co-wrting with Usher and his people and have come up with some more sexy subtleness...

I have a massive wang
It's your kind of thang
shove it in your butt
and I'll say oh what

are you doing to me
it makes me want to pee
on your mother
or your brother

I think it's fresh...

Flo Rida Ft T-Pain: Low

I haven't heard this but I can guarantee it's shit.

Flo Rida posted similar comments about my music doncha know (erm).

When I hear it I'll post more.

Can anyone tell me the reason behind Eric Clapton?

Anyone, anyone?

I fail to see the appeal.

Even when he was a nipper he seemed like a twat.
I read that he got on heroin just to go through a really awful experience, so that he could really feel his music.

Why? it's still shit.

No views

So, i post into nothingness.

Certainly at the moment I do.

I wonder if anyone will view this page apprt from me.

I've done sod all bigging up of it and am not about to.

I learnt my leason with myspace, unless you have a shitload of spare time myspace is a tough bastard to crack. I just can't be friends with any old person, It seems silly to have thosands of friends and get like 3 plays a day. I bet most friends could not give a toss.

Mind you I'm probably missing the point entirely, i bet if i was 14 i'd get it.

To me it's just a time filler.

If anyone reads this and can be arsed replying, i'd be most interested in others opinions.

.....
..

Neil Diamond

Have you seen Neil Diamond and Steven Seagal in the same room together?

Apparently Neil Diamond is Mike D from the Beastie Boys dad.

Flava flav's Dad is non other than George Forman, why do you think he's called Flava?!

BEN'S BROTHER - Stuttering (Kiss Me Again you arsehole)

Fuck me, if this isn't a massive steaming turd of a song.

I want to stab the band with a wooden spoon, in the eye.

It sounds like it was made in the eighties, no bad thing, or is it considering we live in 2008.

I think it's the use of the stutter that does it for me though. if i want to get wound up I just think of this and feel full of venom. Somtimes though, when I am tired, it just sucks my will to live.

What executive thought that this was a good song? None, no executive did, they just thought, thats catchy and could make some wonga, as it's dead like Split Enz.

Cunts!

Forces against music

Well, here's another one

Sandi Thom

Psuedo folk rock pish.

I mean really, who listens to this crap?

I know! Cospses, they love it. Actually, thats insulting corpses. More like Jeffrey Archer, or people that read The Star.

Mind you, she's only young......

Musical Bastard's

I can't stand Amy Mcdonald, i was listening to a show on radio 2 where they took one of her songs and re did it in the style of a classic arranger. All she could say was, it sounds funny.

It was a great latin style arrangment that made her dull as fuck tune actually interesting.

Her songs are so so bland.

Mind you, she's only young.

Watching Futurama

I am currently watching Futurama.